Dumped and Hating it

Ok...the gloves are OFF! SLC. how in the hell could you do this to me? To US???? How freaking self serving is this decision to end four years because I was out all night and you found that I belonged to a few sex sites??? After all...you yourself have done the same thing and even wrote to women and suggested getting together. I gave you the benefit of the doubt and you don't even bother to return my phone call???? *sigh*It would be simple to just move on and write you off as a loser. It would be easy to do that. However, I care for you and have been emotionally invested in you for far too long to want to do that. Cheat on you. What in the hell for? Revenge? The obvious reason. However, think about me and my personality. Haven't I had more use in holding it over your head that you'd done that and I hadn't? That's revenge enough. Why bother to use the excuse of going out with three other people while you were at my house rather than just doing something like that while you were out of town? None of it makes sense and you know it! Damn you for your stubborn mind and your foolish pride. Of course, both you and I can move on. We can meet new people and start new relationships and try the whole co-parenting thing. I know that I will always wonder what could have been had we bothered to give it all of our efforts rather than some. I certainly hope that you'd wonder the same thing. You told me before that you realized one of the reasons we'd reconciled in the first place was because you didn't think you could find someone who would love you as much as I did. Someone who would give so much of herself and yet you are willing to believe something so outlandish for the sake of what? Is there someone else for you? Are you, perhaps looking for an out without having to admit your own indiscretions??? I only wish that you could be open enough to rationalize this all rather than thinking with your figurative heart. If there weren't so much at stake, I'd just walk away. After all, it'd be so much easier to try and find someone more suited to my ideal of what a man should be. The trouble is...he wouldn't be you. He wouldn't try to make me laugh when I wanted to cry. He wouldn't rub my neck when I'm crabby and stressed out. He wouldn't take care of my car when I'm neglected it. He wouldn't know when I'm bluffing to cover my fear or insecurities and he wouldn't know how much I loved him even when I wasn't saying it. He wouldn't touch my feet when we were in bed together even when sleeping far far apart. *sigh*How could you do this?