Just another loss...

I haven't got any real plans for myself and my emotional betterment. I'm going to L.A. this weekend with my gf in order for her to interview for a new job in Maryland on Monday. I want to be really excited, but, things haven't been like they were between us in a minute so I'm wondering just how much I'll enjoy myself.

I haven't been the best of company because of a recent disappointment with a guy that I'd been seeing. Essentially it worked out that he only wanted to be casual...he only wants to be my friend although we've been intimate on several occasions and he made a habit of calling me daily, etc etc.

I don't trust my sense of judgement when it comes to people anymore. I feel so out of touch with what is and what my perceptions are. I'm beginning to be suspicious of everyone and their motives when it comes to being part of my inner circle.

Perhaps I should pick up some other equally destructive habit outside of men and then perhaps I'd be able to make sense of it all. I just don't know...

I wish that I could find someone to love me the way that I love...someone that I could feel the same thing for. I don't see it happening and it's very disheartening.

I need to change, but, I don't know how.

I want to be loved by someone else...but perhaps the true test is going to be loving myself..